Casual Reviews – Destiny: The Taken King

Everyone, I have a confession to make. I haven’t been writing anything new. I haven’t been playing anything “new.” I haven’t been doing anything new. In fact, I don’t smell very new. I have been rotting away on my couch spending hours playing…something…something I’m ashamed of.

Normally, I would be excited to tell everyone about a game that is capable of turning me into a junkie jonesing for his next fix, but this time it’s a little awkward. This is because The Taken King is a DLC for a game I previously called out for drowning in mediocrity and laziness, with zero ambition.

Unfortunately, I am now the one who is mediocre and lazy, with no ambition outside of gaining the next bit of loot from The Taken King. The joke is on me…sort of… Continue reading

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Casual Reviews – inFAMOUS: Second Son

When I first started this blog, this was initially going to be my second review…ha..haha..ha…get it? Get it? Wow, that sucked. Seriously, I can’t come up with anything better to start this review…like the protagonist, this game has leached any small amount of talent I have.

The reason I haven’t gotten to this game review till now is I really don’t care. I wanted to care. The first inFAMOUS was decent, and the story just managed to scream loud enough to be heard over the hoards of linear, action/adventure, methodical, everyday games. L.A.M.E. games for short. I was hoping with the next generation of consoles, improved in-game storytelling techniques, and decent foundation, Second Son would usher the PS4 into the next generation with a bang.

Instead, much like Star Wars: Episodes I through III…aka “the abominations of the earth” spoken of in the book of Revelations chapter 17, it was the first of many next gen games able to exploit its past success to earn income while hardly trying. Continue reading

Casual Reviews – ilomilo

There isn’t much that makes me miss my Xbox 360. I’m not trying to single out Xbox here, I’d say the same thing for my PS3. When I move to next gen I like to leave the old ones behind. Not that I can this gen with the past simply being remastered and placed back in front of me. Don’t believe me?

Announced Remasters:

  • Gears of War: Ultimate Edition
  • Castle Crashers Remastered
  • Tearaway Unfolded
  • Uncharted: The Nathan Drake Collection
  • Dishonored: Definitive Edition
  • Final Fantasy VII
  • Darksiders II: Deathinitive Edition
  • Day of the Tentacle: Special Edition
  • Resident Evil Zero HD Remaster

Released Remasters:

  • God of War III Remastered
  • Prototype Biohazard Bundle
  • Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition
  • Payday 2: Crimewave Edition
  • Final Fantasy X/X-2 Remaster
  • State of Decay: Year One Survival Edition
  • Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin
  • Borderlands: The Handsome Collection
  • Final Fantasy Type-0 HD
  • Devil May Cry: Definitive Edition
  • Grim Fandango Remastered
  • Saints Row IV: Re-Elected
  • Grand Theft Auto V
  • Halo: The Master Chief Collection
  • The Binding of Isaac Rebirth
  • Bayonetta
  • Sleeping Dogs: Definitive Edition
  • Metro Redux
  • Diablo III: Ultimate Evil Edition
  • The Last of Us Remastered
  • Oddworld: New N’ Tasty
  • Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition

Anyway, remasters are a different topic for a different blog. I miss my Xbox 360. The reason…

ilomilo.

Environment 

My friends, I’ve been writing paragraphs for the past two hours and I simply cannot explain the environment of ilomilo. Cuteness on this level is indescribable, unconscionable, and should be made illegal. This game will murder you with cute. Continue reading

Casual Reviews – The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker

I never played Nintendo. I started on PC, got an Xbox, 360, PS3, and finally, PS4. It’s as if I never had a gamer childhood. My gaming memories revolve around my dad explaining how I would never be allowed to play a video game if I didn’t first learn how to build a computer…or my mother allowing only a few new games a year. If I was going to do this…I couldn’t waste time with games I would outgrow. Console/game choices were made like a parent buying clothes for a child during a growth spurt. One poor choice would result in almost a yearlong drought of metaphorical gaming underwear.

With my wife came the one console she has ever owned (which she won in a raffle). The GameCube. I welcomed it into our family, gave it a place among my own consoles, and, last weekend, I finally played her favorite game.

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. Continue reading

Casual Reviews – Journey

Well everyone, it’s been fun. We’ve had some laughs, some heartbreak, and some disappointments…looking at you, Destiny. But my friends, it has been too long since I reviewed The Last of Us…and so, it is time for me to make enemies of all Sony console owners…again. But the stakes are higher this time. Much, much higher. Not only am I speaking about a celebrated PS3 (and now PS4) instant classic, but also my wife’s favorite game on PS3.

…and she proofreads my posts.

Okay, Let’s do this!

Oh, wait, one more thing…this game is a can of worms just waiting to be opened that I don’t want to touch in my review…however, I shall nudge that can at the end…and if it should topple over into the comments section, so be it. Continue reading

Casual Reviews – The Witcher III: Wild Hunt

*Blink*…*blink*…”So…that’s it?” My wife turns to me as [Censored for Spoilers] and the credits roll. It is hard to believe. I’ve finally finished…well…there’s still more than 30 question mark locations and countless other side quests I have yet to get to…but I also have a job, wife, and responsibilities…so yeah…I’ve finished. I’m worried I’m too melancholy to write a good review right now. Much like finishing Persona 4 Golden, I feel like I’ve read a book that has sucked me in, and now the ride is over. I’ll go back and start again right after this review and make some changes to my choices, but as we all know…nothing beats the first time. The expectation, uncertainty, not quite knowing what to say, fumbling with inventory, and never knowing what will happen next…

And what a first time it’s been…  Continue reading

Back in a few Months

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If you’ll excuse me…I have a hole to crawl into…

Casual Reviews – Far Cry 4

Okay, so the Far Cry series…it’s…um…well, you know, it’s…It’s like. Well how should I put it? I mean, there’s usually some terrorist…or militants; yes, call them militants. There’s a standard issue dictator…dick for short. And I mean like…total 100% full on dick. Who needs to die. There’s you of course, but no one really cares about you…not even you. There’re guns. Obvious, I know. There’re also wild animals, fire, masks, propaganda, weird magic voodoo, mini helicopters, cars, trucks, four wheelers, wing suits…

For reals people, this game is like Rambo vomited his wet dreams/PTSD nightmares all into one place for everyone to enjoy.

But for a game that is crammed full of so much awesome, Far Cry 4 feels empty. Continue reading

Casual Reviews – Valiant Hearts: The Great War

I apologize for the absurdly long photo name and smiley faces but it was the only creative commons photo I could find.

And with that out of the way…

Platform games are not my thing. I enjoy a go at Rayman games, but only if my wife is joining in on the fun. By themselves, side scrollers have never hooked me with single player gameplay. I didn’t grow up playing Mario, so, while I understand its importance in video game history…I’d rather shove a thumbtack in my eye than actually play the original Mario games.

But once again, PS Plus has blessed my console with another platformer.

I slowly waded into the frigid water of side scroller gameplay, hesitating for a second at my nuts (mid-way through the game I took a break…), and finally submerged, completing Valiant Hearts: The Great War. Continue reading

Casual Reviews – Mass Effect Trilogy

To be honest, I don’t know how to start this review. I actually don’t even know for sure what I’m going to say, and much like the creators of this game, I have no clue how to end it.

But I do know I want to talk about Mass Effect. But before we begin, a word from my endorser…

“I’m Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite blog on the internet.”

Okay, this sweet babe was birthed from the loins of possibly my favorite game of all time, Knights of the Old Republic. It was published by one of the most hated companies in gaming, EA, and is the work of the developer BioWare. BioWare took the core concepts of what made KotOR so good and created a whole new world with it. A world which I ignored for a long time. I couldn’t get interested in a sci-fi universe I didn’t have knowledge of. Sure, friends kept telling me to try the game. Some offered to buy me a copy. The problem was, I knew that this game would take some work to really enjoy. I’d actually have to pay close attention so I could understand what was happening. Yes…I was that lazy.

I broke down one Friday and bought the first Mass Effect. I failed the following week’s Organic Chemistry mid-term.

25 bucks well spent.

This review may end up being slightly longer than most, but remember, it’s a threesome. You should expect things to go a little longer than normal. I will speak to each game individually in every section, and the final rating will be an average of each installment’s score.

Environment

Describe the Environment of Mass Effect? Jiminy Christmas, how to begin?

Oh, I know…

Continue reading